Archive for the ‘mormonism’ Category

The Orgasmorator from Orgasmo

The plot of Orgasmo is that a Mormon missionary becomes a porn star.  Usually, this becomes a part of the conversation some time around the time that proxy/retroactive baptism, Mormon Heaven, and such get mentioned–

this device “comes” into play.

I think the right to keep and bear arms means  Orgasmorators, not firearms.

Make love not …

Anne Frank and Retroactive Baptism

Anyone who reads my blog knows that I think the Mormon idea of retroactive, or proxy, baptism is pretty neat, but some folk just don’t get the concept as this cartoon demonstrates:

With Mitt Romney once again running, I’m sure the kinkier aspects of Mormonism will be rehashed by the crowd that finds it to be a cult.  Never mind the proper name for the religion is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).  Personally, I don’t see it as being all that much different from most protestant sects.

Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation, Cousin Avi had a debate with a Mormon missionary about this topic where he: “mentioned that I was a little offput by the Mormon’s posthumous baptism of Jews killed in the camps.”

An extremely distant cousin, who happens to be a Mormon, was correct when he told me that: “Baptism for the dead does not change anything for the person unless they choose to accept that ordinance. It simply makes it possible for the dead to accept baptism if they want it. It’s entirely their choice.”

It gets kinkier! Supposedly, there is group sex in Mormon heaven!

Yeeeehaaaa, group sex with the Osmonds and Mrs. Fields!

Maybe that’s why she took the option.  But, Annie would have had to have chosen to go to Mormon Heaven.  As I said to Cousin Avi, I hope that when they tell Rabbi Nachman of Breslau that he has been converted and he is sitting in hell that he has the option of spending the rest of eternity in hell, or spending it in a Mormon Heaven of blonde shiksas who will have polygamous sex with him.

I’m fairly sure the wise Rebbe would have no problem making up his mind as to what he would choose in that situation.

Anyway, this is a bit like Descartes belief on God, there may not be one, but it doesn’t hurt to believe. So, Mormons may be way off, but I know what I’m gonna choose if they are right. How could you pass up polygamous sex in the afterlife with Marie Osmond and Debbie Fields if they are willing to do things that would make pornstars such as Juli Ashton blanche?

Seriously,who could refuse wild, group sex with Mormons?

I know that I’ll take the option of going to Mormon Heaven if I am given it!

It’s the Book of Mormon!

It seems that quite a few people wonder what exactly Mormon missionaries do. I like relating the story from when I lived in Belgium (91-92) and the Brussels police busted a couple of them under “the Suss Laws” (Belgian Police can detain people for 48 hours and give them a litre of coffee and baguette). The police weren’t sure what Mormon Missionaries did. The law firm that we shared space with represented the Mormons and had to get the hapless lads out of Jail.

It seems the creators of South Park have spent quite a bit of time contemplating the question of “What do Mormon Missionaries Do?” as well. First, they did the film Orgazmo abotu a Mormon missionary who becomes a porn star. Now, they have a hit Broadway play with The Book of Mormon. I don’t think Old Joseph Smith prophesised that this would happen when he translated those golden tablets!

The play’s story follows two young men, Elder Cunningham and Elder Price, who are aspiring to go on their mission and spread the word of the LDS church. Price wants to go to Orlando , and Cunningham just wants to go on an adventure with a best friend. Instead of Orlando, they are assigned to Uganda, which is not at all what they expected (“there are no doorbells?!”). The boys think that they have all this faith, but once they have to put it to use in a 3rd world country they realize that it only takes them so far—the rest needs to be determined on its own. Throughout many musical numbers they express this, and also touch upon the value and role of organized religion in today’s society, how Mormonism is “all-American”, and even the story of Joseph Smith.

Wow! Now, is the US ready for Mitt Romney?

I may not be a Mormon in this life, but I know for sure that when they tell me in the afterlife that I was retroactively baptised that I will be eternally grateful in what can truly be called heaven with Marie Osmond and Mrs. Fields!

The Fear Monster Doesn’t like me because…

Lots of good reasons, but I like this young woman’s

I just wish her mouth was in sync with what she’s saying.  She looks like a bad 1960s Japanese cartoon.

And she”s cut off at the end of her speech.

From the Al Tirah facebook page

Fear MonstersFear Monsters Freedom means being able to brandish a gun.

Empathy Monsters And when you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot, to have the health insurance cover to cover it.

Fear MonstersFear Monsters Let’s face it: Glenn Beck IS America.

Empathy Monsters I’m moving to Sweden.

    • Empathy Monsters Fear Monsters gets their political news from one Web site that is totally comprehensive except for spelling and fact-checking.

Al Tirah! Fear Not!

When the heroes of biblical times despaired, God would speak to them. “Al Tirah! Fear Not!” God commanded. Good advice then, good advice now

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, Jedi Grand Master Yoda, known for his idiosyncratic object-subject-verb word order, shared this pearl of wisdom. “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

This year, anger, fear, contempt, cynicism, racial tension and religious discrimination have all bled into the country’s political and cultural fabric. Americans are despairing at the rise of John Birch Politics and figures like Glenn Beck; the hateful rhetoric and actions targeting Muslims, immigrants, gays, Obama and other political and philanthropic leaders; the severe economic challenges facing the country. They are despairing at the limitations of the leaders they elected to create change.

While this is a Jewish movement, I think that other Americans should listen to the message of Al Tirah! Fear Not! In fact, peoples of all faiths and nationalities need to remember this message.

The Empathy Monster is Americans at our best, guided by a powerful sense of responsibility and community.
Empathy beats fear when:

I seek solutions to problems, not scapegoats
I listen
I stand up to hate
I love my neighbor as much as I love myself
I remember that my ancestors were once discriminated against

Fight the Fear Monster!
This campaign is complete with Fear and Empathy Monsters who are already engaged in a Facebook faceoff.

Still More Mormon!

I guess I was so turned on by the idea of wild, polygamous sex in the afterlife with Debbie Fields and Marie Osmond where they do things that would make Juli Ashton blanche that I forgot to post this video:

Of course, if all that is true, then this would have had the amusing aspect of making Glenn Beck (and other Mormons) blasphemers under the Maryland Toleration Act, also known as the Act Concerning Religion, in 1649. Despite the name, the act provided that:

or deny our Saviour Jesus Christ to bee the sonne of God, or shall deny the holy Trinity the ffather sonne and holy Ghost, or the Godhead of any of the said Three psons of the Trinity or the Vnity of this Godhead, or shall use or utter any reproachfull Speeches, words or language concerning the said Holy Trinity, or any of the said three psons thereof, shalbe punished with death and confiscation or forfeiture of all his or her lands and goods to the Lord Proprietary and his heires,

What that means translated from all the 17th Century gibberish is that if you don’t believe in the Trinity: you’re dead.

Since Mormons believe that:

The trinity is three separate Gods: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. “That these three are separate individuals, physically distinct from each other, is demonstrated by the accepted records of divine dealings with man,” (Articles of Faith, by James Talmage, p. 35).

That would mean that Glenn Beck would have been burned at the stake. BTW, Did he miss how intolerant today’s Christians are to Mormons?

Be careful what you wish for Glenn!

You’d think that somebody who professes to be a Mormon would have his act together enough to know that there is a reason for the First Amendment saying “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”. I mean–look at Mormon history.

Anyway, the Constitution was divinely inspired (according to the Mormons): so who’s Glenn to argue with that one?